


Is This Love? [Levi X Reader]

by BluJae_Grace



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attack on Titan Universe, F/M, Fanfic, Fanfiction, Female Reader, Levi - Freeform, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, Levi x Reader - Freeform, Love, Romance, attack on titan - Freeform, levi ackerman x reader - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27423379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluJae_Grace/pseuds/BluJae_Grace
Summary: Your life as a 24 year old in Shiganshina was simple. You lived with your mother, father, and younger brother James. You enjoyed your life there.Then, everything changed. Wall Maria was compromised. And you want revenge on the beasts that took what you loved. You join the Survey Corps in hope of destroying the titans and making sure everyone else can be safe. But life doesn't always go according to plan.Will you get the chance to get out into the world and kill the titans?Will you survive..?Can you possibly get revenge?How many more people will have to die before you see peace?Could you ever possibly bring love back into your life?And the biggest question of all...Who is that handsome, yet angry, short soldier..?Why does he always keep to himself?!And why do we always have to piss each other off?!?
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi/Reader
Kudos: 11





	1. ~Story Explanation~

Hello fellow reader!  
My name is Grace!

This is basically an introduction to my story.

Okay, so this story is a Levi Ackerman X Reader fanfic.  
There are a few things I would like to make readers aware of before they choose to read my story.

1) Most of the characters belong to Hajime Isayama and the Attack on Titan universe. There are some characters I have created to make this story my own, but most of the characters do not belong to me.

2) This story is rated T due to language, romantic scenes, and violence/gore. Any and all curse words will have these symbols (*) instead of the vowels to censor them, but they are still there. The romantic scenes will not be overly sexual, but there will be many suggested elements. And regarding the violence/gore… it’s an Attack on Titan fanfic. There is gore in Attack on Titan so naturally there would be violence in my story as well.

3) Lastly, this story is geared towards a female reader!

Now here are some abbreviations you’ll need to know. There is the possibility of me adding more. If any new abbreviations come up, their definition will be at the beginning of the chapter they are first introduced. Every abbreviation in this introduction has been used at some point in the story.

[F/N]: First Name  
[L/N]: Last Name  
[Y/N]: Your name (First and Last Name)  
[N/N]: Nickname  
[H/C]: Your Hair Color  
[E/C]: Your Eye Color  
POV: Point of View

That’s all I have for now!

I hope you all enjoy the story! I appreciate any support and constructive criticism you have to offer! I know the request is selfish, but seeing people enjoying my story is so motivating for me!! If you enjoy the story, let me know!!

Happy Reading!!


	2. Prologue- That Tragic Time

Is This Love?  
~Prologue~

~*~ That Tragic Time ~*~

The year is 845. I walk outside of our two story wood and brick house in Shiganshina and look up at the bright blue sky. There are a few clouds and a slight breeze. It feels fantastic. I close my eyes. I can hear faint laughing coming from the town square. I inhale deeply. I can still smell fresh bread and a fishy smell coming from the marketplace that’s down the road. It’s still a little early, but the town is already bubbling with life. I open my eyes as the wind picks up and blows my [H/C] hair into my face. 

“[N/N]!!”, my mom calls from inside, “Why are you standing there with the door open? Bugs will get in!”

I brush my hair out of my face as I turn around to face my mother. She has her hair tied up out of her face and she’s wearing her beige apron. 

I walk back inside and shut the door behind me before turning back to face my mom. 

[N/N], we’re out of flour and I need to make some more bread. Would you go and get some at the market?”, my mother asks me. 

“Mom... The stall that sells the cheapest flour is just a few minutes from the entrance to Wall Maria... It’s really far...”

“Yes yes I know, [N/N]. But your father is in bed sick and so is your younger brother. I want to make them some soup and bread.”

I groan quietly. I’m already 24 years old but I decided to continue to live with my parents until I got a steady job... which hasn’t happened yet... But because I still live under my parents’ roof, I must follow their rules. Don’t get me wrong, they’re wonderful people. But I’m an adult now. I need to be out in the world, not running errands. 

“Yes ma’am. I understand”, I say in monotone.

“Thank you, [N/N].” 

My mom digs in her dress pocket and pulls out a handful of coins. 

“Here”, she says to me as she holds out her hand, “This should be plenty for the flour as well as....” 

I watch my mother’s eyes as they glance up and down at my appearance. 

“Maybe a nice dress..”, my mom finishes as somewhat of a question. 

I look down at my attire then back up to her. 

“I don’t know... I like the pants, baggy white shirt, and boots look”, I say as I shrug. 

“It’s... not very ladyli-“

“Okay thanks mom! I love you, bye!”

I open the front door and run out of the house and shut the door before she was able to finish her sentence. 

I know I’m not really that ladylike. But who cares?! It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone. 

I take a few steps before I hear a faint voice. 

[N/N]...! [N/N]!

I turn around and look up to see my brother looking out of the open window of our bedroom. 

“James?! What are you doing? You should be in bed resting. You’re still sick.”

“Wh...where are you going..”, he asks as he brushes his messy hair out of his face.

“Just to get some flour for mom. I’ll be back soon.”

“Ahh, okay.”

I smirk, “Why? Are you gonna miss your big sis, little bro?”

His cheeks go slightly red and his mouth opens wide as he searches for the right comeback.

“Oh shaddup! You’re only six years older! Besides, I’m a man now! I can take care of myself! Stupid girl...”

I giggle at his embarrassment. “Bye James! I love you! See ya later!”

“Yeah yeah, love you too.” James turns his head to the inside of the room and then back out. “Dad says not to spend all his money! Oh! And he says he loves you too!”

I giggle as I wave to my brother before heading out for the market. 

“Thank ya kindly, [F/N]! Come again now”, the shopkeeper says as he waves.

“Thank you, Mr. Kingsley! Have a wonderful day!”

I count the remaining coins I have in my hand as I begin walking.

“Wow...”, I think to myself, “Mom did give me enough for a dress... No way! Pants are way better!” 

I shove the coins into my pocket as I walk through the market. 

That’s when it happened. The ground shook violently all at once. A bright light like lightning shot from the sky down to the ground near the wall of Shiganshina. Walls shook and roofs began to crumble. I crouched down before I fell. The earth stopped shaking. I looked around. Everyone was startled and confused. 

“What was that?!”, I thought to myself, “That was no ordinary earthquake.”

I hear loud shouting coming from the square. I see a few people heading towards the yelling. I follow them. That’s when I see it. Just beyond the wall... was a titan. It was steaming and it had no flesh, only muscle. It looked at our town beyond the wall. 

“Th-That’s impossible....”, I stutter, “That wall is 50 meters high...”

My mouth and eyes are wide open. I saw the Titan move forward a little. What was it doing?

That’s when everything shook again. I looked up into the sky. Giant rocks were falling to the ground a few meters from the wall. That’s when the panic truly began. 

“The Titan! He kicked the wall!”

“There’s a hole!! There’s a hole!!”

“They’re gonna get in! The titans! They’re coming!!”

Everyone was screaming and running towards Wall Maria and the entrance. My eyes go from the giant Titan down to the houses near the wall. 

“No...”, I mumble, “The house... mom... dad... James.... They aren’t even 30 meters from the wall... Those rocks flew.. everywhere...”

I start walking, then running. Before I knew it I was sprinting with all my might towards the wall. I ran past people running in the opposite direction. I ran by people lifeless on the ground, crushed from boulders. I ran by people struggling and panicking. But I paid no attention. My family. I have to save my family!

I turn the corner. There it was. Our house was but a pile of rubble. 

I felt the ground shake. 

Boom. 

Boom. 

Boom. 

Footsteps. Stomping towards the city. But I still stumbled towards my house. I couldn’t say a word. I collapsed in front of where our door used to be. 

“James..? James?! James!!!”, I screamed as tears began to fill my eyes, “Please, answer me!”

I began frantically tossing aside bricks and planks.

“Mom?! Where are you?!”, I yell, “Dad! Someone, please answer me!”

I go to lift a giant beam. That’s when I see it. I see the top half of my brother peeking out from underneath a pile of brick and wood. I squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t even want to explain to myself what I just saw. 

I slowly stand up. I open my eyes as I lift my head up towards the wall. A tear falls down my cheek. I can feel my body start to shake and yet I’m frozen in place. I see them. Giant monsters are walking into our town. I can still hear the faint screams of people fleeing for their lives. But my eyes are fixed on the Titans. I can feel myself bubbling up with both fear and rage. My heart is broken. The people I loved most were crushed due to the actions of a Titan. I was angry. But I knew what I was. A small defenseless human girl. There is nothing I can do now. As the Titans pour in, all I can do is run. 

The wind howls through my tangled [H/C] hair as I sprint through the streets. I have to make my way towards the entrance to Wall Maria. That’s where I will be safe. I run through small back alleyways, places where Titans couldn’t fit through. I’m lucky I know this town so well. 

I run along a giant building, that’s when I hear the screams. I feel the ground shake violently. I fall to the floor. 

“No! No please! Stop!!”

I cover my ears. 

“No! I don’t wanna hear it!”, I say to myself, “Go away! Go away! Go away!!”

I peek around the corner of the large building. I see him. A Titan barely larger than this building. I see the red stains on its chest, face, and hands. I clench my fists. I couldn’t do anything but hide. I’m so weak... 

I wait for the Titan to leave before continuing towards the wall. I avoid major roads as I reach the loading docks. I’m met with swarms of people. After a few minutes I am loaded onto the ship headed for Wall Maria. I fall against the wall of the ship and slide down until I’m crouching. I look up at the sky. 

“You’re still blue...”, I say to myself as I let out a light chuckle, “You’re oblivious.. to the horrors of today...”

I shut my eyes. From this point on, I will devote myself to one thing. Learning more about the Titans so I can eliminate them. They won’t know what hit them. When I’m through, this world won’t even remember what a Titan was. No one will ever have to suffer because of one of those monsters ever again.


	3. Chapter 1- Morning Mishap

Is This Love?  
~Chapter One~

~*~ Morning Mishap ~*~

[Y/N]’s- POV

I collapse onto my wooden bunkbed and slowly shut me eyes. It’s not as comfortable as the one I used to have back home, but after all the training I’ve had to do, it has become the softest bed I’ve every laid my head on.

I hear the door creak open and footsteps skip towards the beds. 

“[F/N]! Are you sleeping?!“

I giggle as I open my eyes. “No Harper, I have been here for twenty seconds. I’m not that good at falling asleep.”

I sit up as Harper leans on the bed, her long blonde hair falling down her shoulder. Even though it’s already late, I can see her shiny blue eyes resting atop a small streak of freckles. 

“Man! I can’t believe today was our last day of training!”, Harper exclaims, “Three years went by so fast! I feel like I only just met you, [F/N].”

I giggle at Harper recalling old memories. “I remember the first day I saw you. I thought you were just another gorgeous airhead. Turns out, you had plenty of smarts to spare too.”

“Uh... I’ll take that as a compliment”, Harper says as she lets out a chuckle. 

A faint ringing bell can be heard in the distance. 

“Oh, dinner time!”, Harper cheers, “I’m so hungry!!”

Harper and I sit down with our trays of food at one of the long empty wooden tables. Almost immediately the table fills up with various other cadets. 

“Why are there so many people..?”, I whisper to Harper, “I mean, our table does tend to fill up but.. that was fast...”

“Are you really that clueless, [F/N]?!”, Harper whispers back, “It’s because you were officially announced as top of the class today! Ranked number one! Everyone knew you had skills   
before, but now it’s official.”

“That’s weird. Why would my rank matter to them?”, I whisper back.

“I guess everyone wants to be there when you say you’re joining the MPs.”, Harper whispers as she shrugs.

“But I’m not joining the MPs”, I say out loud, “I’m joining the Scouts.”

The table gets a little quieter. 

“Everybody knows the Scouts are doing the real work when it comes to figuring out the mysteries of titans. So that’s where I’m going.”, I say bluntly. 

“Y-yeah. See, I know that. And I know the reasons why you’ve chosen that.”, Harper responds, “But I don’t think everyone else knew.”

I can feel the gaze of the other cadets. I can feel the cadets eyes on Harper and I. 

“Well”, I say before taking a bite of bread, “Now they know.”

“Attention!!”

Shadis has earned the respect of all the trainees; either respect or fear, or both. All the cadets stand at attention as a man with short blonde hair and a strong build walks out. Commander Erwin. Everyone knows him. He is said to be one of the greatest commanders ever; and he hasn’t even had the position for too long.

We all listen as Erwin speaks. He talks about humanity, the titans, and the fight that exists beyond the walls. I know what he’s about to ask. He’s looking for recruits to join the Survey Corps. Don’t worry commander. You’ll have at least one recruit joining your ranks today. 

“Those who wish to join the Survey Corps,” Erwin announces, “remain where you are. Everyone else may return to the barracks. You will head to your positions in the morning.”

I don’t even move a muscle. I just stand at attention with my eyes fixed on the commander and my right fist over my heart. I’m ready to join. This is what I’ve been training for. Three years I’ve been honing my skills. Waiting for this opportunity; to defeat the titans and avenge my family.

After a moment I decide to turn around to see who stayed. There are maybe 10 or 11 recruits in total who chose to stay. I notice a girl not too far away. I see the long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes, and of course the freckles on their nose. 

“Harper?!”, I think to myself, “Why is she here?”

She notices my gaze and gives me a small smile. This smile is a little different though. It’s trying to hide her fear, I can tell. I know Harper is terrified, but she’s here. That proves what I think of her, she is a courageous and heart-strong girl. 

The cadets who chose to join the scouts were taken to a new big building. One of the scout veterans showed us to the door. This building is where all the scouts sleep. I noticed a slightly smaller building as we were on our way over. That must be where the scouts eat and work. 

We were all taken to a big room near the entrance of the building. 

“Up the stairs are all the rooms for all of you. You may have to go up more than one story to find an open room”, the female veteran explains, “There are signs on the doors of the vacant rooms. You may pick whichever one you want, but there aren’t enough rooms for everyone to get their own. The boys rooms are on the left and the girls rooms are on the right. 

If you have any questions feel free to ask any of the older scouts. All the scouts have rooms in this building. So you all shouldn’t be lonely.”

I feel a tug on my arm. I turn to see Harper smiling big at me. 

“Roommates?!”

I smile back at her. “Roommates.”

I feel the bright sun coming through the window onto my face. I squint as I slowly open my eyes. I sit up as I try to rub the sleep from my eyes. I turn and see Harper in her bed. She has pulled the covers over her face, probably to hide the sun from her eyes. 

I hear a bell begin ringing. 

I roll out of bed and start shaking Harper. “Hey, Harper. Come on, wake up. The food bell is ringing. We gotta go.”

She mumbles as she struggles to open her eyes. “.....morning....”

“Come on”, I giggle as I head over to my dresser, “We have to change and get downstairs.”

After a couple minutes Harper gets up out of bed and we both change into our clothes. I put on a white button up shirt, brown tight pants, and a pair of dark brown lace-up boots.   
Some things never change. 

Harper and I walk down the stairs and out to the mess hall. I’m kind of glad we have to walk a couple of minutes because that gave me enough time to look a little less tired. 

As soon as we walk into the mess hall I immediately smell it. 

“Coffee!!”, I mutter under my breath.

Harper points, “I think it’s over there.”

“Awesome!”, I say as I start walking over to the coffee table. 

“I’ll get us a table, [F/N]. When you get back you can save our seats while I go get food”, Harper calls out.

“Got it”, I call back.

I get to the coffee table, grab a mug, and begin filling it up. I inhale as I smell the coffee. It is the greatest fragrance to smell in the morning. 

After I finished making my coffee, I lift it up to my mouth as I turn around. 

I crash into someone and all the hot coffee spills over my face and white shirt. The mug falls to the ground and shatters. 

“Agh!”, I yelp in pain, “What the heck?!”

I turn to see the moron who chose to walk directly behind me without saying a word. I look up slightly into a pair of dusty blue-grey eyes and a furrowed brow. I notice a small stain on the man’s shirt as well, however, he is still holding his cup. The man is wearing a Survey Corps uniform. He is a little short, barely taller than me. And he has short black hair and what appears to be an undercut. 

“What we’re you thinking?”, I yell, “Walking directly behind someone? Are you an idiot?! Now both of us are soaked!”

The man stays silent as he pulls out a handkerchief and wipes off his hand. I notice he’s holding his cup by the rim. That’s probably why his hand is all wet. 

“Are you not even gonna say sorry?!”, I ask shockingly, “It’s not like I ran into you!”

The man finished wiping off his hand. He glares back at me. 

“Are you done whining now, d*mn brat?”

“Excuse me?!”, I protest, “Who the h*ll do you think you are?!”

The man sighs. “I don’t have time for this. I have to go make some more tea.”

The man turns and walks away, leaving me standing there in a puddle of coffee, tea, and shattered glass.

Harper runs in front of me, crouches down, and begins picking up pieces of the broken mug. I kneel down and start helping her pick up some of the pieces too. 

“[F/N], you... you’re insane.”

I look up at Harper. “What do you mean? It’s not like it was my fault!”

“Yeah yeah, I know. But do you know who you were talking too?”, Harper asks.

“Uh... a soldier..?”

Harper sighs. “No.. [F/N], that... that was Captain Levi Ackerman.”

It takes me a minute but then it clicks. “W-Wait.. The Captain Levi? Like.. the greatest and strongest soldier ever..?”

Harper chuckles. “Yeah, that’s the one.”

I freeze. “I.... I’m so screwed....”


	4. Chapter 2- Absent Apology

Is This Love?  
~Chapter Two~

~*~Absent Apology~*~

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

"Yeah yeah, I know. But do you know who you were talking too?", Harper asks.

"Uh... a soldier..?"

Harper sighs. "No.. [F/N], that... that was Captain Levi Ackerman."

It takes me a minute but then it clicks. "W-Wait.. The Captain Levi? Like.. the greatest and strongest soldier ever..?"

Harper chuckles. "Yeah, that's the one."

I freeze. "I... I’m so screwed...”

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

[Y/N]’s- POV

I pick up the last piece of glass. I feel a sting in the hand holding the pieces of glass. I can see little drops of blood under one of the glass shards.

"Perfect", I think to myself, "Now I gotta find something to clean up this puddle and my hand...."

"We'll need something to clean up the spilt coffee and tea", Harper says. 

She looks down at my handful of glass. "I'll go throw those pieces of glass away along with my handful."

"Uh... no no, I got it."

Harper stands up. "Don't worry about it. You find some towels and I'll throw the glass away. We've drawn enough attention towards us as it is.", she says as she leans over, "Wait a minute. What's that on your hand?"

"It's just glass, Harper.", I say defensively.

"[F/N]?"

"Seriously! It's only glass."

"[Y/N], you're lying to me!", Harper says before she notices the blood, "Oh! You're bleeding!!"

"Why are you so freakin’ loud?!', I ask as I look around to see if anyone is still staring. I look back at her, "It's nothing."

I feel a poke on my shoulder. I turn to see a soldier with tied up long auburn hair, smooth skin, and goggles on their head.

"Are ya hurt, dear?!, they ask me.

"N-no. I'm not."

"Look, you can't get that past me. I can tell you’re lying. My friend over there, Nifa, is coming to clean this spill up. I'll take you to get your hand fixed up.", the soldier says before looking at Harper, "Were you cut too, dear?"

"No no. I'm okay. I'm careful, unlike some other people."

I glare at Harper before the soldier takes the pieces of glass out of my hand.

"Please throw these away for me", the soldier says holding out the pieces of glass to Harper.

Harper takes the pieces of glass. "Of course!"

The soldier looks back at me. "This way. I'll take you to one of the rooms down the hall. There are some first aid supplies in there."

"....O-Okay...", I say begrudgingly as I follow the soldier.

We walk out of the mess hall and down a hallway. There aren't too many decorations. Maybe a painting or two and some flowers, but that's it. I mean, the walls look kinda nice so that makes up for it. But this place still feels a little plain.

"Oh!", the soldier exclaims, "Ya don't even know my name! And I don't know yours either! My name's Hanji Zoe. I'm a squad leader. What's your name?"

"Oh, I'm Cadet- er.... Survey Corps scout [Y/N]. It's nice to meet you, Squad Leader Hanji."

"Nice to meet you too, [F/N]. But you can just call me Hanji. We seem to be about the same age anyway."

"O-Oh... okay..."

Hanji takes me into one of the rooms in the hallway. It looks like an infirmary. There are curtains dividing two small beds, an old love seat, and a cabinet filled with different bottles and small boxes.

"Take a seat and I'll get some stuff to clean your hand", Hanji says before opening one of the cabinet doors.

I walk over to the closest bed and hop up onto it.

After a few minutes Hanji walks over to me holding various first aid supplies. She begins to clean by hand.

"So... you've got balls to speak to the Captain that way", Hanji says through a small smirk.

I groan audibly. "I didn't know who he was... I paid no mind to the soldier life until three years ago. And even then, I was so focused on training myself I didn't focus on faces. I mean, I knew who Captain Levi was, but I didn't know what he looked like. I didn't really pay too much attention. Looking back, that was pretty dumb of me. Of course I need to know the higher ups of the section where I'll be fighting..."

"I see..."

"I didn't mean to ramble on. I just know I totally made myself look bad back there."

"You want my advice?", Hanji asks looking up at me.

I shrug. "Sure. It couldn't hurt."

"Don't pay that shorty any mind. He's always that grumpy. Don't worry, I don't think he necessarily hates you. He just has a sharp tongue."

"But... he's the Captain. I have to show respect.", I say slightly confused.

"Yes. Show respect.”, Hanji says, “But don't bend down and lick his boot."

Hanji finishes wrapping up my hand. I wriggle my hand to check if anything is loose. Hanji did a pretty good job.

I slide off the bed. "Thanks, Hanji. It's really well done."

"Not a problem. There should be some shirts in the cupboard behind the curtain. You can change in here."

I turn my head towards the curtains then back to Hanji. "Oh. Thanks."

"Well, it was great to meet ya, [F/N]. Maybe we'll be fighting together soon. Just make sure you be careful.", Hanji says, "You remember the way back, right? I have work to do. Moblit's probably looking everywhere for me."

I nod and Hanji opens the door and walks out. I look down at my shirt. It's stained pretty bad. I walk over to the curtains and slide them open. I see the cupboard up against the far wall. I walk over to it and open it. There is a stack of male button down shirts. There are quite a few colors to choose from. I grab the smallest one in the stack. A long sleeved light blue button down shirt. I walk over to the curtains and slide them closed.

I begin unbuttoning my shirt. I notice a dark spot on my white lace bra.

"Ah crap....", I mutter under my breath, "This wasn't cheap."

I lay down my stained shirt and reach for the clean blue one. I hear the door swing open.

"What the h*ll is Erwin's problem? I get a lecture because I spilled a soldier's morning coffee? Bullsh*t..."

"Captain Levi?!", I think to myself, "What's he doing in here?!"

I remain still, trying not to make any sounds, hoping he'd walk out.

The curtains are thrown open and I'm standing face to face with the Captain.... in nothing but my pants, shoes, and bra.

"What the h*ll?!", Levi exclaims before turning completely around, "What are you doing in here?"

I reach over and grab the blue shirt to hide my bare chest and torso. "I'm changing my shirt! You spilled coffee on me, remember?! Get out!"

I reach up and slide the curtain shut. I put on the blue shirt as quickly as possible. My heart is pounding so fast and I feel hot. I put my hands up to my face. What is this situation I'm in?! What gods did I anger?!

"Oi."

I'm snapped back to reality and remember the short angry man just on the other side of this curtain.

"Are you done yet? I need another shirt. Because your clumsy *ss spilled tea all over mine."

I rip the curtain open to see the Captain standing in the middle of the room with his arms crossed and his brow furrowed. I'm furious. First the dude crashes into me spilling both of our drinks onto us, then he waltzes in on me changing, and he thinks I'm the problem?! He's the problem!

"Finally", he says sarcastically as he uncrosses his arms and walks forward, "What took so long?"

The Captain walks past me and straight for the cupboard. I don't move at all. My fists are balled up and I'm trying to keep tears from falling. I'm tired, I'm embarrassed, and I'm pissed. Not a good combination.

"Well?", the Captain retorts, "Are you gonna leave or what?"

I slowly turn around to face him. I notice his eyes widen just slightly. Probably because of how I look.

"You...", I say as my eyes fill with tears, "You.. are a terrible person. Sure, maybe that whole thing in the mess hall was excusable."

I can feel a tear fall from each eye nearly simultaneously.

"But you walked in on me changing. I am a woman. The least you could do is apologize! Right, Captain?!"

He doesn't move. He just stands there stunned. I clench my jaw.

"Fine! Whatever! I don't need your apology anyway..."

I wipe my face before turning and walking out of the room.

This sucks. I'm a mess. My feelings are all over the place and I think I've just pissed the Captain off more than he already was. My eyelashes still feel wet. I rub them both with me sleeve. At the same time, I bump into someone.

"M-My bad....", I say as I look up.

"[F/N]?! Are you okay?"

"Harper?", I say as I gaze into her bright blue eyes.

Harper grabs my shoulders. "What happened? Your eyes are red."

"I.... He....", I stutter.

"Okay. Come with me."

Harper leads me out into the mess hall. It seems like everyone is cleaning up. Before long Harper and I are standing in front of a scout veteran.

"Excuse me", Harper says, getting the soldier's attention, "[F/N] isn't feeling too good. Can I take her back to our room so she can lay down?"

"Of course", the soldier answers, "The teachings on the scout's routines start tomorrow. She won't be missing much."

"Okay, thank you very much", Harper says before walking with me out of the mess hall and to the dorms.

Harper and I walk down the path a little ways. I feel the puffiness in my eyes and my throat feels dry. I swallow as I try to clear my throat. I managed to choke out a small 'thank you, Harper'.

She smiles down at me. "We're friends right? This is how I show my love to my friend."

"L-Love...", I think to myself, "It's been a while since I've had someone who loved me. The last time I had people like that... They... were taken..."

I look up at Harper. Her eyes sparkle in the sun and her shiny hair bounces with every step. But the brightest thing about her is her smile. That's something I never want to lose.

"I have to keep Harper at arms distance", I think to myself, "I can't lose someone I love. Not again."


	5. Chapter 3- Constructive Conversation

Is This Love?  
~Chapter 3~

Constructive Conversation

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

She smiles down at me. "We're friends right? This is how I show my love to my friend."

"L-Love...", I think to myself, "It's been a while since I've had someone who loved me. The last time I had people like that... They... were taken..."

I look up at Harper. Her eyes sparkle in the sun and her shiny hair bounces with every step. But the brightest thing about her is her smile. That's something I never want to lose.

"I have to keep Harper at arms distance", I think to myself, "I can't lose someone I love. Not again."

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

[Y/N]’s- POV

I climb into my bed and hide completely under the covers. I turn my body away from Harper and towards the wall. 

“Uhm... [F/N]..? Do you.. wanna talk about what happened?”, Harper stutters. 

I hear Harper’s bed creak. She must’ve sat down. I remain still and silent. 

“[F/N]. I know you might not want to, but you probably should. You don’t want to hold in that anger.”, Harpers says coaxingly. 

My eyes follow the seams from under the covers. Why am I ignoring her? No... I know why. Because I’m a coward who doesn’t want to get hurt again. I’m pathetic. 

Harper sighs. “I understand, [F/N]. You need time. I’ll leave you alone now.”

I hear the bed creak again and light footsteps walking to the door. 

“Harper”, I say while remaining under the covers.

“Yes, [F/N]?”

“I would like to talk about it, if you don’t mind listening.”

I hear her footsteps quickly make their way back to her bed, which creaks when she sits back down. 

“B-But if you don’t mind, I’d like to stay under the sheets. For now.”

“Whatever you want!”, Harper says. 

I can just hear her smiling by the way her voice changed. When did this girl grow so attached to me? Sure, we roomed together for three years, but it’s not like she really knows me. She knows nothing about my life before I became a cadet. I was a slightly different girl three years ago. She only knows the soldier me.

I started at the beginning. How Hanji and I talked down the hallway, then being taken into a room to be cleaned up, how I vented a little to Hanji, then Hanji telling me about the shirts in the cupboard before leaving, how I began changing when the door opened, then the Captain opening the curtain on me, I mentioned our little dispute, lastly I talked about how I pretty much blew up on him before storming out of the room. Harper listened without saying more than a word or two. Then I wrapped things up by explaining how confused I was with my situation and asking how I could possibly fix everything. 

“Thank you, [F/N].”

“Huh? What?”, I question, “Why are you thanking me?”

“For telling me all that”, Harper explains, “You never talk about your feelings. You always have this tough girl act all the time; especially during training. You seem incredibly mature and maybe even a little less human. But right now, you genuinely sounded like a young girl your age. And you decided to share that side of you with me. That’s why I thanked you.”

I roll over and pull the covers down past my face. I look over at Harper. She’s rubbing her eyes. She notices me looking at her. 

“Oh! Hello!”, Harper says lowering her hands from her slightly red eyes while giggling, “I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”

I sit up and lean my back against the wall furthest from Harper. 

“Well, [F/N], you’re in an interesting situation. But maybe the thing you need right now is to let off a little steam and clear your head. Once you do that, maybe you can start to think clearly and rationally. You’re older and so you have more experience with people.”

“Is the Captain even considered a real person?”, I say to myself sarcastically. 

“When I need to clear my head”, Harper continues, “I go outside into a nice meadow or field. I love being under the beautiful open sky surrounded by nothing but the breeze, grass, and trees. It’s calming for me. Maybe you need to find your calm place?”

I look over at my Survey Corps jacket draped atop my dresser. 

“I have an idea”, I say with a small smile. 

“Good”, Harper says as she stands up, “Well you have the whole day because you’re sick. You might not wanna be seen though. They would know something’s up then.”

“Ah don’t worry”, I say reassuringly, “I won’t be seen.”

I anchor into a nearby tree as I soar through the air. There’s a 4 meter 17 meters away at my 3 o’clock and a 15 and 10 meter class 8 meters away at my 10 o’clock. I propel myself forward using as little gas as possible while I continue to pick up speed. I feel the wind whistle through my [H/C] hair. I come up to the 4 meter training statue titan, angle my blades, pick up more speed, and slice through the nape. I turn to my left, shoot out my left anchor and change directions towards the last two titans. I zigzag through the trees with my blades at the ready. I fly 6 meters above the 15 meter, anchor my right hook into the 10 meter’s head, fly down towards both titans, and nearly simultaneously take out both napes. I fly up to a nearby tree, dig into my shirt pocket, pull out a stopwatch, and check my time. 

“Sweet! New record!”, I say as lift my free hand into the air in excitement, “That’s my best time so far!” 

I place my stopwatch back into my pocket and take out a piece of paper and pencil. I write down the number of kills and the time it took me. I put the paper and pencil back and propel myself down to the ground. I look around at the titan statues. I notice that almost all of them I can see are all cut up. 

“I should probably replace that material on the nape myself”, I think aloud, “I’m supposed to be sick right now. And they might be using these for training later.”

I look around the area of trees. “How many were there again..?”

I groan at the realization that I needed to count how many training statues now needed to be fixed. I launch both anchoring hooks into two trees and make my way towards the end of the area. I make a sweep of the whole area counting each titan statue in need of repairs. I land on a branch of one of the biggest trees in the forest. 

“Okay. So if I counted right....”, I mumble to myself. 

I hear a zipping noise. I look down just as a soldier flies up the tree and lands on the branch directly above me. 

“Someone’s here?! Who? All the new soldiers are busy, at least that’s where Harper is.”, I think to myself, “Who isn’t busy right now?!”

“Oi.”

I look up and immediately recognize who is now above me. 

“Hello, Captain”, I say sharply, “Is there something I can help you with?”

“What are you doing out here, brat?”, he responds, “Aren’t the new recruits all together working right now?”

I clench my jaw. I don’t know what to focus on more. The fact that he’s still calling me names, or that he knows I’m not where I’m supposed to be. 

“I-I...” I stutter.

The Captain sighs and looks around. “You training?”

I blink a couple of times both in silence and confusion. Is he not gonna go and tell the higher ups?

“Uh.. yeah.”, I answer, “Somethin’ like that.”

He looks back down at me. “What’s your time and how many did you take down in that time?”

I pull out the paper I had my times and kills written on. I go to reach it up to him but I can’t quite reach. 

The Captain sighs as he jumps down to the branch I’m standing on. “Shorty”, he mumbles.

“Oh yeah, like you’re one to talk”, I say as I hand him the paper.

He glares at me before taking the paper. He reads the list before handing it back to me in silence. 

“....Well?”, I question, “Got nothing to say?”

The Captain just looks toward the statues on the ground. 

“Woah. For the first time ever, the Captain’s got nothin’ to say.”, I retort sarcastically. 

He turns his head. “Watch your mouth”, he says sharply. 

I’m taken aback. But I collect myself quickly. “Yeah? Make me.”

I watch the Captain look me up and down. “Tch. That wouldn’t be too difficult.”

That was the last straw. I drop to the floor and go to kick the Captain’s legs out from under him. He jumps back in time and grabs one of my legs. I fall on my back as he yanks me a little closer. I sit up and grab his right wrist. At the same time he slams me back to the ground and grabs my right wrist. His face is just inches from mine. I can feel his hot breath on my face. I feel his grip start to tighten. His dusty-blue eyes are glaring daggers at me. I clench my jaw as I squeeze his wrist just as hard. I go to kick him where it hurts but he holds down my legs with his legs. My body is tense. I don’t feel like giving up. I won’t lose to him. I lean to my left to gain momentum and jerk myself to the right. The Captain loses his balance and we both roll off the tree branch. I let go of his wrist and he does the same. I reach for my operating devices in my side holsters to propel myself up before I hit the ground. I start feeling around and grab one. As soon as I pull it out I hit a small branch, loose grip, and let go. I look towards the ground. Once I realize how close it is I shut my eyes. 

“This was a dumb idea”

I feel something slam against my side. I’m... flying through the air... and not falling!

I slowly open my eyes. I look to my left and see the Captain’s face barely a centimeter away from mine. 

The Captain takes himself and I to the ground. He places me down and adjusts his 3dmg. I reel in my operation   
device and clip it back into my holster. 

No joke, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. 

“So if you can’t win, suicide is your answer?”, the Captain asks, breaking the silence. 

“N-No!!”, I say defensively, “I wouldn’t’ve hit the ground!”

“You sure?”, the Captain says crossing his arms, “From where I’m standing it looks like I just saved your life.”

“Wah-?!”, I say stunned.

He turns around. “That’ll be my apology. For earlier.”

My face softens. That actually... affected him..?

He turns back around. “You wanted my thoughts on your time and kills?”, he asks as he unclips both operation devices from their holsters, “I could take down double in half the time.”

“Huh?!”, I yell.

He shoots out an anchor. “Ah, by the way, thanks for being light.”

And with that final remark, he flies through the air and out of sight. 

I stand there stunned. Was that.. a compliment..?


	6. Chapter 4- Confused Captain

Is This Love?  
~Chapter 4~

Confused Captain

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

He turns around. “That’ll be my apology. For earlier.”

My face softens. That actually... affected him..?

He turns back around. “You wanted my thoughts on your time and kills?”, he asks as he unclips both operation devices from their holsters, “I could take down double in half the time.”

“Huh?!”, I yell.

He shoots out an anchor. “Ah, by the way, thanks for being light.”

And with that final remark, he flies through the air and out of sight. 

I stand there stunned. Was that.. a compliment..?

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

Hanji’s - POV

I walk out towards the training arena. I hope there aren’t too many of those training statues that need repairs. It would’ve been nice to have had a little bit more of a heads up that the new recruits would be using them today. 

I walk up to the entrance and see a tiny soldier land about a meter away. 

“Heya, Shorty!”

Levi flinches as if I had startled him. 

“Hey.. you good?”, I ask confused. 

Levi glares at me. “What do you want, sh*tty glasses?”

“Calm down. I’m just here to make sure the arena’s ready for the new recruits.”, I say somewhat defensively. 

“Wait... What?”, Levi asks with some sort of concern. 

“Yeah”, I respond, “Erwin wants to see how the new recruits will do under certain pressure. Shadis gave us pretty good info but Erwin wants us to see them with our own eyes. So I gotta get everything ready.”

“Ahh...”, Levi says glancing behind him.

“Wait... What were you doing in the arena..?”, I ask someone confused. 

Levi looks back at me. “Nothing special. I just needed to fix something that was annoying me.”

“Something.. in the arena..?”, I ask still confused. 

“Obviously”, Levi says sharply. 

“Okay..? Well I have to get in there and make sure everything’s all set and ready.”

I walk past Levi and further into the cluster trees.

“W-Wait Hanji..!”

I turn around and see Levi glaring at me. But this glare isn’t necessarily an angry glare. It feels a little more desperate. 

“Is something wrong, Levi?”

“If you go in there, then yes; there will be.”

I look at him closely. I notice little spots of dirt on his white pants. He’s the craziest clean freak I know. The only time 

I really see him dirty is if he’s out fighting or maybe cleaning. I doubt he was in the arena cleaning with his full odm gear. 

“Did you fight someone in there?”, I ask suspiciously. 

“Ah-No.”, Levi says quickly. 

“Levi”, I chuckle, “That was a rotten lie. ......Wait... You’re an amazing liar... What’s got you all messed up?”

I watch Levi’s eyes go from me, to the floor, to the trees to his right, back down to the floor, then at me again. 

“So... Who’d you fight?”

Levi doesn’t break eye contact. “I don’t know.”

“Huh?!”, I ask, once again, completely confused. 

Levi looks to the side. “I.. don’t know her name.”

I think for a moment. Then everything clicks. 

“Oh... so you fought with [Y/N], a new recruit, in the forest arena to apologize for fighting in the mess hall this morning. Yeah. That makes complete sense.”, I say somewhat sarcastically. 

“What are you trying to say, Sh*tty glasses?”, Levi says sharply. 

I look back at him. His dusty blue eyes shoot daggers at me through his raven hair. I guess he didn’t care for my sarcasm too much. 

“Are you serious..?”, I ask, “Your way of fixing that mess was with another fight?”

Levi crosses his arms and looks out of the corner of his eye. “It’s not my fault the brat has a short fuse. She started it.”

“Uh huh...”, I say somewhat doubtful, “I don’t think [F/N]’s the only one with a short temper.”

Before Levi could protest I turn around to face the arena and continue to talk. 

“So I think I might’ve figured this whole thing out. So you found [F/N] training even though Nifa told me the new recruit named Harper told her [F/N] was sick. [F/N] was out training and not with the other new recruits. So she could get into some trouble. That’s why you want me out here. I don’t need to figure out exactly why you two seem to always fight. And I don’t need to know why you don’t want her to get in trouble.”  
I turn my head towards Levi, who has his head tilted slightly down with his arms still crossed. 

“Don’t worry. She won’t be getting reported be me.”

Levi nods at me before turning and walking away; most likely towards his office in the building by the dormitory. 

I hear a zipping noise and I’m greeted by a fast flying soldier who is now standing just a couple of meters in front of me. 

“Hanji?!”, [F/N] exclaims. 

“Heyah, [F/N]. Workin’ hard?”, I ask rather cheerfully. 

“Ah- w-well... I-“, she stutters. 

I hold my hand up. “Ya don’t have to explain. I just talked to Levi a little.”

“Uh... so... I’m not in trouble..?”, she asks, still slightly confused. 

“No. Well, I’m not getting you in trouble.”, I say as I shrug, “I just came to make sure the training statues are all ready to be used.”

[F/N] scratches the back of her head as she looks towards the ground. 

“Ah.. How many need to be replaced?”, I ask somewhat afraid to hear the answer. 

[F/N] digs into one of her pockets and pulls out a piece of paper. She hands it to me and I read it. 

“O-oh. I see. You seem to have had a pretty successful morning of training.”, I say after I read the numbers and look back at her. 

“Mhmm...”, she mumbles avoiding eye contact. 

“Well”, I say as I fold the paper, “You’re coming with me to replace it.”

“Huh?!”, [F/N] says in confusion. 

“Well, you can either help me, or walk to the dormitory in your full odm gear, covered in dirt and sweat, and wind-blown hair. I’m sure no one will be suspicious.”

[F/N] looks at her dirty self then back up to me. “Y-yeah okay. I see your point. I guess it’s kinda my fault so many need repairs too....”

“Perfect!”, I exclaim, “Then let’s get going!”

I took [F/N] to the storehouse where we got the materials to replace the training statues. We met up with Mike along the way and he decided to help us get everything ready. I honestly thought [F/N] might struggle just a little bit in figuring out how to get everything set up, but she picked it up quick; and she was fast too. She has a knack for working hard and getting everything done right the first time. Repairing and replacing bits on the training statues is not easy. But with the three workers we had, we got it all done in record time. I don’t know what it is about this one recruit, but she seems strong. Not just in strength, but in resolve and willpower. 

:|-|:~*~:|-|:

[Y/N]’s- POV

It’s been almost two weeks since our first day. The new recruits have gone through many lessons a day that lasted a few hours each. We have a lot to learn about the scouting formations before we‘re qualified to go out on the next expedition, which will take place in just under two weeks. 

We have done a few physical tests as well. Like the one we did on our first day. Erwin was there as well as the Captain, Hanji, Mike, and a bunch of other high ranking veteran scouts. It was a little overwhelming at first. I almost matched my record, the one I had just set a couple hours earlier, during that first aptitude test. Harper was shocked to say the least. But I saw the Captain sneering at me out of the corner of my eye. 

“I could take down double in half the time.”

The Captain’s words rang in my ears that day every time someone praised me for my time. I know the Captain’s really good, but just seeing how much better he is than me kinda pisses me off. I mean, sure, I did almost nothing physical before I became a soldier. But that’s no reason to settle for anything less than my very best. 

I set my tray of food down on the table, which made a loud thud from all the diced potatoes, bread, and soup on it. 

“Geez, [F/N]”, Harper says as she sets her tray down next to me, “Aggressive much?”

“Sorry sorry”, I say as I sit down with her, “I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, today was a pretty tough day. Lots of lessons and we even had a few hours of physical lessons as wel-“

“No no...”, I say, cutting Harper off, “I mean, I’m tired of those eyes constantly glaring at me during every training exercise. And the voice ringing in the back of my mind every time I do something good. It’s frustrating.”

I look over at Harper who is giving me the most confused look. 

“Eyes..?”, she questions, “A voice...? [F/N], are you okay?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Harper sighs, ignoring my question. “So who’s eyes and voice is oh so frustrating?”

“The Captain’s”, I mumble begrudgingly. 

“Huh? Wait...”, Harper says, “He was only at the first physical test. I actually haven’t seen him in a little while.”

“Yeah yeah, maybe he hasn’t actually been there. But I can feel his short, rude, annoying presence.”

Harper rests her chin on her fist. “Hmm. He seems to have made quite an impression on you, huh [F/N].”

“What do you mean by that..?”

“Look”, Harper says, ignoring my question once again, “I think you just need to calm down. You met him once. Don’t let him get to you. You’re stronger than that.”

I grab my piece of bread and take a bite. “Yeah. You’re right, Harper. I just need to forget about that stupid, stubborn Captain. He’s insignificant. I don’t need to even worry about that shorty!”

I feel a hand grab my shoulder and begin squeezing. 

“What was that now?”, someone asks through clenched teeth. 

I reluctantly turn my head to see the Captain out of the corner of my eye. “Uh... h-hey Captain. H-how’ve you been..?”

“I just came to tell you that Erwin wishes to speak to you”, he says, still gripping my shoulder, “Come on, brat.”

I wince a little as his grip tightens. “Okay okay. I get it.”

The Captain lets go as I stand up. I look down at Harper, who’s eyes are a little bit wider than normal. 

‘This is what I meant’, I mouth to Harper. 

“Ah... I’ll save your dinner and your spot, [F/N]”, Harper says somewhat quietly.

“Thank y-“

“Let’s go!”, the Captain hollers.

I groan. “Yeah yeah, I’m coming.”

I follow the Captain out of the mess hall and into one of the hallways. I feel the setting sun shining through the windows and onto my skin. I begin scanning the back of the Captain quietly. You’d never notice from a quick glance but he has a strong build, for someone who has such a small body of course. I look down and notice his fists are still balled up. Did what I say really make him angry..? Seriously? It’s just table talk coming from a girl. I mean, what I said was kinda true, but still...

The Captain stops and I almost run right into him. 

“Uh.. Wh-What’s wro-“, I begin.

The Captain cuts my off my grabbing my right wrist with one hand and slamming my shoulder against the wall with the other. He squeezes my right wrist and holds it up against the wall with his left and slaps his right hand onto the wall by my face. I’m practically being pressed up against the wall purely by his presence.   
He knocks the wind out of me but I’m able to recover quickly. I start to say something but that’s when my eyes met his. Those shining dusty-blue eyes look beautiful under the shadow his body casts due to the window directly behind him. I want to be angry at his sudden outburst but... in this lighting... even while he’s angry, he’s stunning. 

“What the h*ll is wrong with you?”

I snap back to reality when the Captain breaks the silence. 

My eyebrows are squeezed closer together, showing the Captain how confused I am at his question. 

“Tch... What’s with that face?”, he continues, “You should know d*mn why I’m pissed you idiot.”

“I...”, I stutter, “I have.. no idea what you’re talking about. Why are you so angry? Is it because of what I said back at the table? That was just some stupid talk-“

“Shut up. That one thing isn’t enough to get me angry. What do you take me for, a d*mn fool?!”

His frustration shuts me up. 

“What the h*ll?!”, I think to myself, “What is his problem?!”

“C-Captain...”, I say coaxingly, “Please.. explain to me why you’re angry.”

I feel his grip on my right wrist tighten. I wince slightly but try not to show the pain I’m feeling in my face. 

“Everyone.. has recognized who I am. They know what I can do and the power I hold and they respect that.”, he says sternly before glaring back into my eyes, “But you.... you treat me like an equal. Even sh*tty glasses knows their place every once and a while... But you make no d*mn sense! What makes you... so different to me..? Answer me, brat!”  
I’m speechless. That was the longest I had ever heard him talk at once. And don’t get me started on what he was saying. What is happening?! I’m losing feeling in my wrist, my legs are trembling, and my heart is pounding strangely fast. But that doesn’t seem to faze me. In this moment, I’m left speechless by this tiny angry soldier.   
After a moment, I feel the Captain loosen his grip on my wrist just slightly. I look into his eyes. They seem to have softened just a little. I think I’ve gained enough courage to speak. 

“C-Captain...”, I say as I begin to sound calm, “I don’t know exactly why you’re angry. But if it’s because of my disrespect, then I want to deeply apologize to you. You are a higher ranking soldier, your skill is leagues above mine, and you have an incredible amount of experience out in the field. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you. I can assure you Captain, you will receive no further disrespect from me. I will follow along with how everyone else acts around you. Is that acceptable?”

At this point, the Captain has practically released his grip on my wrist. His eyes are down at the ground and his eyebrows are no longer furrowed. 

“Captain?”, I say, asking again, “Is that acceptable?”

“No...”

“What?”, I ask confusingly, “What do you mean?”

He looks me in the eyes. “Nothing. Just forget it.”

He lets go and takes a step back. “Come on”, he says sharply as he begins walking again. 

I stand there against the wall dumbfounded and speechless. 

What... just... happened?!


	7. Chapter 5- Rejected Respect

Is This Love?

~Chapter 5~

Rejected Respect

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

“Captain?”, I say, asking again, “Is that acceptable?”

“No...”

“What?”, I ask confusingly, “What do you mean?”

He looks me in the eyes. “Nothing. Just forget it.”

He lets go and takes a step back. “Come on”, he says sharply as he begins walking again. 

I stand there against the wall dumbfounded and speechless. 

What... just... happened?!

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

Levi’s POV-

I’ve almost made it to Erwin’s office. I haven’t taken my gaze from the door at the end of the hallway since I began walking towards it again. I can hear [F/N]’s light footsteps behind me. I don’t understand. Why the h*ll am I angry again? Ah... right. Because I’m confused. I’m being a d*mn fool because I can’t make sense of my thoughts. Why’d I take out my frustrations on her? I made an idiot of myself in front of a new recruit. It doesn’t matter who she is, I need to remain professional. I’m the higher up. I have to set the example. D*mn it... I’m starting to sound like you again, Erwin. 

I stop in front of the door. I steal a quick glance behind me. I notice [F/N] looking down slightly. I don’t know how to describe her expression. Maybe anger? Or fear? I wouldn’t blame her. After all, I just slammed her into a wall and yelled at her for seemingly no reason. 

I take one last look at [F/N]. 

What? Wait... That’s... I know that emotion her face is showing now. It’s the same expression I had when I found... Isabel and... Furlan... When they.. were taken. Why is she making that face?

“Captain? Are you going to open the door?”

I turn my attention to the door once again and knock twice. 

“Come in.”

I slowly open the door and [F/N] and I both enter Erwin’s office. The Commander is sitting at his desk looking at a few different papers. He turns his attention towards us. 

“Please”, he says motioning towards the loveseat near a small window, “Go ahead and sit.”

I close the door as [F/N] walks over to the chair and sits down. 

“Hello soldier [L/N]. Captain Levi.”, Erwin says as he stands and walks out in front of his desk, “Please, Captain. Take a seat.”

I take a quick glance at the open seat next to [F/N]. I look back at Erwin. “I’d prefer to just stan-“

“Captain”, Erwin says with a small smile and an angry gleam in his eye, “Have a seat.”

I glare eerily at Erwin before clicking my tongue, reclining begrudgingly next to [F/N], and crossing my legs and arms.

“Now”, Erwin says as he leans up against a small rounded nightstand across the room, “[F/N]- May I call you by that name instead?”

I notice [F/N] nod out of the corner of my eye. 

“Perfect”, Erwin replies, “Now [F/N], I have a question for you. How do you feel about the Captain here?”

I freeze for a moment then glance at [F/N]’s expression. She hasn’t moved either. I believe she’s searching for something to say. 

“Erwin”, I say, “I don’t think this is-“

“Commander”, [F/N] interrupts, “I won’t claim to understand why you wish to know the answer to that question.   
However, I will answer it nonetheless.”

I notice a small smile cross Erwin’s face as he looks at her. “Thank you, [F/N]. But you don’t have to be so formal. Please, continue.”

[F/N] nods slightly before continuing. “If I had to describe my feelings towards the Captain, I’d say I respect him. He’s strong, determined, smart, and his willpower is remarkable. He’s someone I strive to be like. The Captain cares about his fellow soldiers but he doesn’t let personal feelings get in the way of him doing what is right. He isn’t afraid to speak his mind and he isn’t afraid of people’s opinions. I’d consider the Captain my role model. I hope that answers your question, Commander Erwin.”

Erwin smiles towards [F/N] like he has some secret plan. 

“Thank you, [F/N]. That absolutely answers my question.”, Erwin says before turning his attention to me, “Levi. What are your feelings towards [F/N]?”

“What?”, I think to myself, “Now it’s my turn to answer? How the h*ll am I supposed to answer that..? Ahh... maybe motivated? Her strive to better herself is obvious. Then, maybe heart? She knows what she believes and what she wants and she’s passionate about it. And I hate to admit it but she’s pretty d*mn strong. But how am I supposed to say that when she’s literally sitting right next to me?!”

“Levi”, Erwin says somewhat sarcastically, “Are you alive? Or did what [F/N] say surprise you?”

“Shut the h*ll up, Erwin”, I snap back, “Why do I have to answer you?”

“Hmm... I don’t know Levi”, Erwin says, “Maybe because I’m the Commander? No. I won’t bring my rank into this. I just want to make sure you both are on pretty good terms.”

“And why the h*ll would that be so important?”, I ask sternly. 

“Because”, Erwin answers, “She will be joining your squad for our next expedition.”

“What?!”, [F/N] and I say in unison.

“Is that a problem”, Erwin asks the both of us.

[F/N] slowly stands up. “No sir. I was shocked at first; I wondered why. But I respect your decision.”

“Thank you, [F/N]”, Erwin says before looking at me, “Levi? You have something to say?”

I remain silent, but my eyes say plenty. 

“I see”, Erwin says simply before turning his attention to [F/N], “Thank you for coming here today, soldier. You are free to leave.”

[F/N] bows her head towards Erwin before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. 

“What the h*ll was that, Erwin?”

Erwin sighs and walks forward a couple steps away from the round table he had been leaning on and crosses his arms.

“What do you mean”, he asks.

I stand up, just steps away from him. “I mean, why is that brat joining my group? And why does it matter whether we get along or not?! And why did you tell the both of us this so d*mn formally?”

“Calm down, Levi. I’ll answer your questions. But first, did you at least think of the answer to my question?”

I glare at Erwin. 

“I guess that answers my question”, he says chuckling slightly, “I wanted to make sure you two were on good terms because you are both strong-willed. If you didn’t get along, it’d be problematic for the entire squad. And I want [F/N] to be on your squad because I want her to see how you specifically handle your squad. That soldier has a lot of potential. I can see her leading her own squad fairly soon. And I want her to learn those skills from the best. And I brought you both in here formally just to see your reaction to it.”

“I don’t need this teasing sh*t from you, Erwin”, I say walking to the door and opening it, “Sure. She’ll be in my squad. But I’ll be working her hard. Squad Leader is a big responsibility. I won’t have her performance shaming me and my reputation.”

“I wouldn’t expect it any other way, Levi.”

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

[F/N]’s POV-

It’s been a whole week since Commander Erwin told me I would be joining the Captain’s squad. But I’m a little confused. I haven’t trained with the Captain or the rest of the squad. We’ve done physical training exercises and formation drills and lessons but nothing with the Captain. I guess I’m not too torn up about it. I have been avoiding him like the plague ever since I left Erwin’s office. I’m all about respecting the higher-ups, but, I don’t know, I guess I liked how the Captain and I always went back and forth with the snarky insults. It kind of reminded me of how I was with my brother, James. 

I straighten up my 3dmg on the dresser in my room. I’m stuffed thanks to the large dinner we all just had. I look out the window at the star-filled sky. Our training has been pretty hard the past few days. I stretch my arms a little and groan. I’m exhausted. 

The bedroom door swings open. 

“[F/N]....”, Harper moans as she collapses onto her bed.

I chuckle. “You good, Harper?”

“I feel like a Thanksgiving turkey”, she responds, “I’m tired and full. I’m ready to just crash.”

“Go for it”, I say as I sit on my bed, “We don’t have anywhere to be until tomorrow.”

Harper sighs happily. “Yeah, you’re right. But I need to change first.”

Harper reluctantly lifts herself out of bed and towards her dresser. I follow her lead and pull out my night clothes. I begin unbuttoning my white shirt. I take it off and toss it into my small laundry basket. 

“Woah [F/N]...!”

I turn my head to see Harper half-dressed and looking back at me. 

“Hmm?”

“You’re beat up.”

I look down at my arms and core. There are various scratches and bruises. Probably from training these past couple of days. 

“Oh. Yeah I guess.”

“Geez”, Harper says as she continues to change, “You’re devoted.”

“Yeah I know”, I say as I unbutton and slide my pants off, “When you have a goal, you want to achieve it.”

“Oh? What’s your goal?”

“Crap”, I think to myself, “I said too much.”

“You don’t have to explain, [F/N]. I know you like to keep to yourself. But I am curious.”

I slide on my baggy shorts that go down right above my mid-thigh. I remain silent for a short moment. 

“I want to get rid of the titans. And find out where they came from.”

I pause for a moment listening for a response but Harper stays quiet. 

“When Shiganshina was breached... and they got in... My mother, father, and younger brother were all killed. That’s why I have my goal.”

Before I even realize what was happening Harper was squeezing me tight from behind. She scared me for a moment but I released the tension in my muscles. 

“[F/N]... I understand now. Thank you so much for telling me. I know that must’ve been hard for you.”

I just stand there silently as Harper squeezes me. 

“Oh [F/N], if you want to talk I will listen. It’s what friends do!”

I smile softly and hesitantly. “Thanks Harper. I appreciate it.”

Harper lets go and allows me to turn around and face her.

Harper smiles and wipes her eyes. “Anytime!”

She’s such a crybaby. But I guess that’s just one thing you can’t help but love about her. She’s okay with openly showing her emotions. I wish I could be a little more like that. 

My eyes burst open. I frantically look from left to right. Everything looks empty. Like a glowing blue. I try to take a deep breath. I can’t breathe! I look down. Emptiness. I’m not standing on anything. Am I floating..?

“No!! Stop! Please!!”

I look around trying to find the source of the man’s voice.

I hear another bloodcurdling scream. This time, from a woman. 

“Stay away...! Stay away! No! Go! Get away!!”

Another voice. Then a scream. Then another scream. It’s like a symphony of screaming and shouting from all directions. I cover my ears and squeeze my eyes shut. 

Stop. Please. No more. I don’t wanna hear it. 

I gasp for air but I receive nothing but more screams. 

“Help me, please!! I don’t want to die! No, stop!!”

A child?! No! Stop it! Get out of my head! 

I press my hands harder against my head, desperately trying to drown out the sounds. I press so hard my nails dig into my skin. It does nothing. The screams are all I can hear. 

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and open my mouth to scream. However, no sound comes out. I try to push more air out, but I fail. 

“Help me! Please!”

Their voices echo.

“Please... make it stop!!”

I bolt upright in my bed gasping for air. I try to slow my breathing, but I can’t stop panting. I release my death grip on my blanket. I look to the side and see Harper still sleeping soundly in her bed. I turn my head towards the window. It’s still pretty dark. I notice my hands shaking just slightly. I blink back tears and try to even out my breathing.

What was with that nightmare? I haven’t had one for weeks- maybe months. Was it because I told Harper about that day? Seriously? I’m pathetic. 

I start to settle myself down. I’m wide awake though. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping any time soon. 

I hear a voice yell from outside. I get out of bed and walk to the window. Across the road I notice the lights on in the mess hall. I hear a few more voices before it goes quiet again. I’m guessing the voices are coming from there. I wonder what’s going on at this hour. 

I slip on my pair of comfy shoes and pull on an old oversized long-sleeved shirt. I open the bedroom door quietly and I was gone. I walked along the road without passing anyone. Maybe some of the new recruits are messing around? But wouldn’t they get in trouble? 

I grab the handle to the mess hall door and slowly open it. I’m welcomed with a flood of laughter and the smell of alcohol. The only people I see seem to be scout veterans. 

“[F/N]?!”

I look towards the soldier walking in my direction. 

“Hanji...”, I mumble to myself. 

“What’s up?!”, Hanji asks as they slap my back, “What’re you doing up?”

“Uh.. just.. couldn’t sleep...”, I respond quietly.

“Ahh I see..! Well, you wanna join us? You aren’t underage, right?”

“Uhm.. no I’m not, but-“

“Fantastic! Come join us!”, Hanji exclaims as they grab my wrist and guide me towards one of the tables. 

Before I knew it, I was handed both a spot at the table and a drink in my hand. Hanji’s group consisted of quite a lot of soldiers, but I recognized a few: Mike, Nanaba, Nifa, Gelgar- even Moblit had joined in. I finished my first cup slowly, then I had another, then another. After each cup I drank I grew a little louder, slowly becoming more and more involved with the group. I had already stayed with them for about an hour and a half. I’ve never been out drinking with others before, so this experience was completely knew to me. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy myself. After it had been an hour and 45 minutes, people began leaving the group because it had been getting late. It didn’t take long before the group shrunk to just Hangi, Moblit, and me. 

“Hanji”, Moblit says, “It’s late and you and I have work to do tomorrow morning. We should get going.”

“Aww….”, Hanji groans, “ I know. You’re right.”

Hanji looks over at me.

“Don’t worry”, I say reassuringly, “I’ll be fine. You two have work to do. Get off to sleep.”

“You sure?’, Hanji asks, “I should probably walk you to the dorm. You seem a little drunk.”

“I’ll be fine. Go ahead”, I say standing up.

The other two stand up and walk out of the mess hall. I grab my cup and chug the last bit of alcohol before setting it back down. I lean across the table and grab the half empty bottle and pour myself another drink. I drank alone for a little while longer. I just didn’t feel like leaving quite yet. Even though the room was now deserted. 

I put my empty cup back on the table and cough slightly. How much have I drunken..? It’s probably a lot, I can feel the fuzziness in my head. I don’t really feel too great either.

“Oi. What the h*ll are you doing in here by yourself at this hour, brat?”

I turn my head and see the Captain behind me. He looks a little blurry but I can tell it’s him.

“…Captain..?”

“What’s wrong with you”, he asks before looking over at the empty bottles on the table, “What the h*ll?! Are you drunk?!”

I say nothing but moan as my stomach and head start to feel worse.

“You’re an idiot”, he says looking back at me.

“I.. don’t feel too good..”

The Captain’s eyes go wide and start looking around. I think he spots something before walking off. I don’t know where he went. 

I lay my head on my arms and try to get rid of the nausea. After a few seconds I grab my stomach. I raise my head ready to throw up. I hear a clunk and look over just in time to see the Captain place down a small bucket. I fall to the floor, lean over, and throw up into the bucket. I cough a little trying to catch my breath. I feel a tug on my hair. I look over and see the Captain rubbing a small section with a washrag.

“Sir..?”

“You got some in your hair”, he says in a more quiet voice, “I’m just cleaning it.”

“B-But Sir, doesn’t that stuff disgust a germaphobe like y-“  
I’m cut off by another wave of vomit. I can feel my hair being held up this time though. Is the Captain seriously staying while I’m puking?! I heard he was like a crazy clean freak or something. I wonder why he’s staying…

After a few more minutes I can finally catch my breath. I’m pretty sure I’m done. And I don’t feel too fuzzy in the head anymore.

I finish wiping my face with the rag the Captain had used on my hair. 

“So why did you think coming here to drink at this hour would be a smart decision? Do you really think training tomorrow will be easy even with a hangover?”

I move a piece of hair out of my face and look over at him. He’s sitting on his knees beside me. I can hear the sarcasm in his voice, but I don’t really think he’s trying to be too rude. 

“I just.. couldn’t sleep, Captain.”

“So.. you drink when you have insomnia?”

“No sir. But I heard the voices and laughter and was curious. Then Hanji dragged me into their group. I didn’t want to leave though. I still don’t think I could fall asleep even if I wanted to.”

“Hmmm… I see. Bad dream?”

“N-No, Captain!”, I stutter quickly, “It is not that at all, sir!”

“Quit it brat!”, the Captain yells, “I’m tired of that!”

“Tired.. of what, sir?!”

“That! You keep calling me ‘Sir’ or ‘Captain’.”

“Y-Yes sir. It’s called respect. You are of higher rank. You deserve a great deal of respect.”

“I don’t care! Just go back to how you were before!”

I’m left speechless. Maybe because it was really late, or maybe because of the alcohol still in my system, or maybe because of what he said. I’m not sure; it could be all three.

“I know I yelled at you. I said some things that I didn’t quite mean. My d*mn head has been all messed up. But you acting all stupid like that always pisses me off. Sure, your snarky comments angered the sh*t out of me, but I didn’t necessarily hate it. You acting all nice and respectful towards me is way worse than you calling me names or throwing me off a tree. I don’t think I’m making any d*mn sense, but that’s all I got.”

He pauses for a moment.

“Oh!”, he says, “And can you, for the love of everything holy, please just call me Levi?! You have never once called me Levi. It’s always been ‘Sir’ or ‘Captain’. It’s just weird.”

“...C-Capta-“, I stutter before throwing up for, thankfully, the last time for the night.

After I finish, the Captain groans and lets go of my hair. “Whatever. I don’t know why I bothered telling you”, he says while standing up, “I’ll be right back.”

The Captain leaves for a short moment. I wipe my mouth one last time with the rag, which now needs to be deep-cleaned. I start to think about what he said. It’s true. I hate having to act this way around him. But I thought that’s what he wanted. I was acting different than the other soldiers and he didn’t like that; so I changed. Now he’s saying he wants it to be like how it was before? Can’t he make up his mind? And why should I call him Levi? He’s the Captain; that’s his title. I am so confused.

The Captain comes back and sits down next to me. 

“Here”, he says handing me a cup with water inside, “Drink this.”

“Geez, Shorty. Took you long enough to get a sick girl some water”, I say, my words dripping with sarcasm. 

He sits there stunned at my sudden change in behavior.

I take the cup from him. “Thank you, Levi”, I say before taking a few gulps of the cold liquid. 

He sighs and looks at me somewhat softly, “You’re welcome. [F/N].”


	8. Chapter 6- Perplexing Punishment

Is This Love?  
~Chapter 6~

Perplexing Punishment

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

“Here”, he says handing me a cup with water inside, “Drink this.”

“Geez Shorty. Took you long enough to get a sick girl some water.”, I say, my words dripping with sarcasm. 

He sits there stunned at my sudden change in behavior.

I take the cup from him. “Thank you, Levi.”, I say before taking a few gulps of the cold liquid. 

He sighs and looks at me somewhat softly, “You’re welcome. [F/N].”

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

[Y/N]’s- POV

I sit down at the table and place my empty water cup down. Levi sits down next to me. 

“So”, he says breaking the silence, “You want to actually tell me why you’re in here at this hour drinking away by yourself?”

“Ahh... Yeah... Well, you were right before. It was an unpleasant dream.”

After a moment of silence I glance over at Levi. He looks over at me. 

“Well”, he asks, “Are you not going to tell me about the dream?”

“...Uhm... I-I don’t know. I don’t really want anyone else to know....”

“Look,” he says looking away from me, “If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. But if you don’t talk about it with someone, it’ll eat you up. Trust me, I know.”

I look down then look straight ahead and sigh. “Alright. Uhm... I had a dream about the day Sh-Shiganshina fell. I heard.. all the screams. I was in this empty place. I-I couldn’t talk or move, I couldn’t even breathe. I was helpless and-… and hopeless. I heard all the voices. I couldn’t drown them out. I was lost.”

I glance over at Levi out of the corner of my eye. I can tell he’s trying to hide it, but I can see the confusion on his face. 

I sigh and continue. “I was there. I used to live in Shiganshina; me, my father, mother, and younger brother. They were killed that day. Crushed inside our house by a big piece of the wall that had been kicked. But I survived. That’s why I’m here. I want to fight. But every once and a while I’ll have a thought or even a dream of that day. So many people lost their lives. I guess it’s still with me; haunting me in a way.”

The room goes silent. I don’t know what else to say. I haven’t told anyone what happened that day; my side of the story. I don’t really know why I’m telling this short-tempered captain of all people. 

“I wasn’t there.”

I turn to look at Levi as he continued talking.

“I was gone the day Shiganshina fell. The scouts were out on a mission. We weren’t here to help anyone. Thousands of people died and I wasn’t there. That fact haunts me. But I never want that to happen again.”

He looks down for but a moment in silence before continuing. 

“So I train. I train so I can do my job; protecting the people in the walls and putting an end to the titans’ reign.” 

I look down. 

“I never realized-…“, I think to myself, “I guess it’s understandable for him to feel bad about not being there. It’s just weird for me to see him as, I don’t know, more human. This conversation doesn’t feel like a soldier talking to her superior. It feels like one terrified girl talking to a guilty boy. It’s refreshing in a way.”

“Things happen.”

I’m brought back to reality as Levi breaks the silence. 

“Mistakes are made. But we can’t change them. We just have to try not to make those mistakes again.”

“Hope we won’t regret the choices we make in the future?”

Levi looks over at me and nods hesitantly. “Y-Yeah. Exactly like that.”

I smile at him. We’ve been talking about that day this whole time and I haven’t felt guilty, sad, or full of worry. I think I’m feeling at peace. I can’t remember the last time I really felt that way. 

“I assume you’re well now?”

I nod and chuckle. “Yes, I don’t feel like puking anymore.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

I tilt my head in confusion. 

“Would you be able to sleep? Or would you have that dream again?”

“He... He meant feeling well mentally...”, I think to myself. 

I give a small smile before answering, “Yeah. I’m good now.”

Levi stands up and faces me. “I’ll walk you back. It’s late and you’ll need sleep for tomorrow.”

“Awww”, I groan, “You can’t give me the day off? I can’t call in sick?”

Levi glares at me without saying a word. 

I sigh, “Yeah, I thought so.”

Levi holds out his hand and looks away. “Let’s go.”

I take his hand and he slowly helps me up. 

He walks me all the way from the mess hall to my door. 

“Go to sleep”, Levi says somewhat coldly, “I don’t need a sluggish soldier at training tomorrow.”

“Yeah yeah, I get it”, I say sarcastically before smiling a little, “Thank you, Captain.”

He nods.

“Goodnight, Levi”, I say as I open my door.

“Goodnight [F/N].”

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

“[F/N]- Hey! [F/N]! Get up, please..!”

I struggle to open my eyes so I can figure out who is screaming and why I’m shaking so much.

“Oh good! Your eyes are open!! Finally!”

I attempt to sit up but fail miserably. I fall back onto the bed and take my hands to my forehead. The headache I have is ridiculous. 

“[F/N]? You okay?”

My eyes remain closed but I answer, “Yeah, Harper. I’ll be good.”

“O-Okay good”, Harper responds, “Because training kinda starts in ten minutes…”

My eyes burst open. “What?!? Harper! Why didn’t you wake me sooner?!”

“I-I tried!”, Harper stutters as she gets me my clean shirt and pants, “You wouldn’t budge. I’m sorry. I tried like five different times.”

I begrudgingly pull myself away from the covers and grab the clothes Harper hands to me. “Thank you for getting me up.”

I slide the clothes on with my eyes almost completely closed. The light was what was hurting most. I didn’t have time to go get any kind of medicine or water either. Just getting the training gear on takes me forever and a half.

As I finish buttoning the last button on my shirt, Harper hurries over to me holding my odm gear. “Here ya go.”

“Thank you, Harper”, I say with a small smile as I begin the struggle of untangling straps and tightening belts.

Harper starts helping me by strapping my left leg while I work on the straps on my right leg.

“They should really make these easier to get on”, Harper says somewhat sarcastically as she untangles two straps.

I’m just struggling to stay upright and keep my eyes open, so all I do is give a simple nod.

Harper and I get out to the training ground right as a bunch of Scout Veterans were making their way out.

“Made it”, Harper whispers.

I give her a quick smile before looking back towards the Vets walking towards all the new recruits who were lined up. I notice a few who are higher up in the ranks. Section Commander Hange Zoe and their squad was there. Commander Erwin was there too. And to his left was Captain Levi. There were a few others but I either didn’t know their names or couldn’t see them clearly enough. The sun really wasn’t helping my splitting headache either.

Commander Erwin gives his usually ‘New Recruit, Offer Your Hearts’ speech before explaining what training we’d be doing today. I tried so hard to focus, but it just wasn’t working. Before I knew it the Commander stopped talking and the recruits began to scatter. I just stood there like a lost puppy.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to make it seem like I didn’t just wake up. I hear the dirt crunching; footsteps. I look up to see someone standing in front of me. Since I had just been rubbing my eyes, all I saw were lights and stars, so I couldn’t make out who it was at first.

“Oi. What are you still doing here? Erwin will notice you not going to your spot.”

“Captain..? That’s you, right…?”

I just hear a disappointed sigh. “D*mn idiot.”

I feel someone grab my arm.

“Erwin’, Levi shouts, “This stubborn hardheaded moron is sick but won’t admit it. I’m taking her to get some medicine.”

“L-Levi…”, I mumble, “I’m fine. I didn’t come out here for you to treat me like a baby.”

I feel his grip on my forearm tighten. “I’m not treating you like a baby. I’m treating you like the fool you are. You don’t get to participate. I’m not being nice; it’s a punishment for you.”

Levi guides me, although drags is a better word, all the way to a small room in the mess hall. I may not be able to open my eyes all the way, but I know where we are. We’re in the room where I exploded in Levi’s face a little while ago. Not a room full of pleasant memories.

“I’ll look for something to help with your headache”, he says rather coldly, “You just lay down.”

Without thinking twice, I climb into one of the beds and lay my head on the pillow. My eyes immediately close.

After a few moments filled with noise of cabinet doors opening and closing, the Captain breaks the silence. “You aren’t talkative today.”

Without budging or opening my eyes I respond, “No sh*t, Sherlock.”

I hear a cabinet door close loudly. “Still as rude as always I see.”

“I thought that’s what you wanted, Shorty.”

“Do you want this medicine or not”, he asks somewhat angrily.

I slowly sit up and nod my head.

He walks over and hands me a small medicine bottle. His brows are obviously furrowed.

“Want me to stop calling you that..?”

“Tch. Do what you want.”

I smirk after he turns he back towards me. 

I take the medicine the captain handed me and close the bottle tight. He walks over to me to retrieve the medicine bottle.

“Levi…?”

“What is it”, he asks as he walks to a nearby cabinet and puts the bottle away.

I lay back down, pull the blankets up to my shoulders, and roll over facing away from him. “I thought you told me I couldn’t have a sick day…”

The room went quiet. 

After a few moments I decided to break the silence. “You alive over there?”

I hear a small sigh. “I already said it, brat. This isn’t a ‘sick day’, this is punishment.”

“And how pray tell is this punishment?” I didn’t realize what he told Erwin was the truth; now I was confused.

“You don’t get to participate”, he answers bluntly, “Everyone else is improving while you are in here in bed. You don’t get to train. This is your punishment for being an idiot.”

I can’t help but giggle.

“You got something to say, newbie?” His tone sounds somewhat angry.

I continue to have my back to the captain, “No no. It’s just, why do you think this would be punishment? Anyone would give up a day of training to stay in bed.”

“Not you.”

I catch my breath for but a moment. “Wh-What...?”

“You heard me, brat.”

Lines form between my brows in confusion. “And how would you know this would be a punishment for me?”

“I’ve seen how you are”, he responds, “Training is very important to you. You are always trying to get better. I do have an idea of why that is. But I know something like this would ultimately be a punishment for you, because deep down you want to be out there working.”

I’m speechless. He’s figured it out- my whole reason for existing. I won’t deny my love of sleep; but I do want to get better, and training is how I do that. Training will allow me to live. And training will make titans fall. I will make titans fall. Levi is right; ultimately, this is a punishment.

“Hey, brat, you alive over there?”

I can’t help but let out a quiet chuckle.

“Guess not”, he says sarcastically.

I hear creaking behind me. I’m guessing Levi sat down on the bed next to the one I’m on. 

“You were awake until late too, right Captain?”

“And?” He sounded a little agitated for some reason.

“I was just wondering if you were tired. If you stayed up late, I think you should be ‘punished’ in here with me.”

The room was silent. 

I roll over quietly and see him sitting on the bed with his back to me. I watch him cautiously lay down on the bed. He’s motionless. 

How many hours of sleep has he had recently? Has he even slept recently? And has he actually fallen asleep over there?

I slowly sit up in bed, trying not to make the bed creak. The light still hurts my eyes, but now I’m curious. I sling one leg off the bed and then the other. I stand up while making minimal noise. Levi doesn’t move. 

I sneak towards Levi. Normally he is stern and angry. I wonder what he’s like when asleep. 

I walk around the edge of the bed the captain is sleeping on and sneak cautiously towards his face. He seems a little tense, but his facial expression seems softer. I can’t remember the last time his brows were relaxed and he wasn’t wearing a frown. His arms are slightly crossed: one was rested atop the other. His hair, which was a little messy, was slightly covering his eyes. I lean over to get a closer look. His face looks so smooth. 

“This is so weird”, I thought, “I’m never this close.”

I can feel his gentle breath on my face. He seems so relaxed and calm.

“Aghh-!!”

Before I knew what was happening, Levi was grasping my shirt collar and glaring into my eyes. My face was not even a centimeter away from his; I felt his hot breath on my face. My eyes are wide and my face is warm. My hair falls as I stare down into his dusty blue eyes.

“What are you doing, brat?” He says each word as if it was its own threat.

My mouth formed words but no sound came out. I didn’t even know what I was doing! I was just… curious.

His grip on my shirt tightens and his jaw tenses.

“Answer the d*mn question, soldier.”

“….You were just.. really beautiful. A-And so relaxed. …I wanted a… closer look.”

I notice a small gleam in his eye for but a second. I blink twice hoping my answer was sufficient. After all, it was the truth.

“[F/N]”, he lets go of my shirt collar, softens his glare, and brushes the hair away from my eye, “Why-… You make me so… confused.”


	9. Chapter 7- Hardheaded Helpers

Is This Love?  
~Chapter 7~

Hardheaded Helpers

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

“What are you doing, brat?” He says each word as if it was its own threat.

My mouth formed words but no sound came out. I didn’t even know what I was doing! I was just… curious.

His grip on my shirt tightens and his jaw tenses.

“Answer the d*mn question, soldier.”

“….You were just.. really beautiful. A-And so relaxed. …I wanted a… closer look.”

I notice a small gleam in his eye for but a second. I blink twice hoping my answer was sufficient. After all, it was the truth.

“[F/N]”, he lets go of my shirt collar, softens his glare, and brushes the hair away from my eye, “Why-… You make me so… confused.”

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

[Y/N]’s- POV

I freeze. “Confused”, I wonder, “What does that even mean..?” I’m still leaning over him despite the fact that he has released his death grip on my shirt. 

Levi probably saw the confusion on my face. His expression changed to one I’m used to. He looks away from me. I notice his face slightly change color.

“Do you plan on removing yourself from overtop of me anytime soon?”

“Oh”, I exclaim as I stand straight and spin around, “Forgive me, sir! I will just- Ow!” I bang my foot against the leg of the small wooden nightstand.

Levi sat up quickly.

I lean over to massage my foot. “Ow ow ow….”

I hear a noise from behind. I close my eyes slowly in annoyance. “Captain?”

He clears his throat, “What is it, brat?”

“Did you… Did you just laugh at me?”

“Are you stupid? Of course not.”

I stand up quickly and turn to face him. “How dare yo-“, I stumble towards the bed. “Crap”, I think to myself, “My head feels fuzzy….”

I feel a hand grab my shoulder and waist before I fall over the bed. My legs feel weak all of the sudden. I must’ve stood up too fast or something.

“You’re sick, idiot”, a cold voice scolds me, “Go lay down before you hurt yourself.”

I squint. The headache is back and worse than before. I have no idea why, but I’m losing my balance. 

“Ugh”, Levi groans as he holds my body up, “Come on, brat. The bed is over there.”

“I-I know, sir”, I say slowly, “It’s just… a dizzy spell.”

Levi clenches his jaw and holds me tighter. “D*mn it all…”, he whispers, “Fine. You win this time, moron.” 

Levi, while basically being the only thing keeping me upright, struggles to climb out of the bed.

“C-Captain, I’m fine. I can stand on my own-“

“Shut up”, he says as he wraps my arm over his shoulder and continues clutching my side, “You know d*mn well you don’t feel well.”

“I was fine earlier, sir. Just give me a minute.”

I feel the hand on my waist tighten its grip.

“Just lay down, brat.”

Levi, with his right arm on my waist, took his left arm and lifted my legs off the ground. He carefully placed me down on the bed he was previously laying on.

“C-Captain..?”

“Quit your stubborn bullsh*t and rest. I’m tired of having to act like your parent. Now sleep. I’ll be sitting over there to make sure you stay put.”

I hear his footsteps as he walks around the edge of the bed and towards the door. I place a hand to my head. 

“Seriously… You had to start hurting now”, I think to myself.

I roll onto my side. I can’t help but notice a nice smell on the pillow, I inhale deeply.

“Is that what the Captain’s hair smells like”, I think to myself.

It has an almost soapy scent, but I can tell there’s something more. It definitely smells like a male, but I can smell a hint of flowers as well- maybe rose or perhaps lotus? 

I inhale again. I’m not sure what it is, but this smell is so relaxing to me. It could easily put me to sleep.

I roll over and slowly open my eyes. I must’ve fallen asleep. I’m not sure how long though. What I do know is my head feels great now. I’m sure the medicine had something to do with it.

I notice the captain sitting on a wooden chair up against the wall next to the door. He’s still, but I’m sure he’s awake. My eyes adjust to the light in the room. I can tell time has passed because it isn’t as bright as it was before I fell asleep. 

The captain notices me awaken. 

“Feel better now, brat?”

I chuckle at the sad attempt at mockery, “Yes sir. Much better. Thank you for asking.”

“Tch. It took you long enough to wake up”, he retorts as he stands, “It’s late and you’ve missed two-“

Levi is interrupted by my stomach growling loudly.

“-meals.” The captain finishes as he fails to hide a smirk that has crept onto his face.

“…Sorry…”

“Come on. Get up and I’ll fix you something.”

I can’t help but be a little surprised, “Wait, you mean… you’ll… cook?!”

“You got a problem with that?”

“N-No!” I respond as I jump up from the bed.

Levi and I leave the room and walk down the hallway into the main room of the building. It must’ve been late; normally people are in the mess hall until an hour or so after dinner. The large room was completely empty. I walk over to the closest table and sit down.

“What time is it”, I ask under my breath.

“It’s late”, Levi answers coldly, “You slept all day, lazy brat.”

“Ugh…”, I think to myself, “Great. He’ll hold this over my head for who knows how long. Did he stay in that room all day..? Wait! That means he didn’t eat either!”

“I’ll be back in a bit, kid”, Levi says, “Just wait here.”

“No”, I say loudly as I stand up, “You take one step into that kitchen and I’ll- I’ll… break both of your legs!!”

Levi glares into my eyes. “Oh, will you now?”

I gulp but refuse to back down, “You heard me.”

“Then what on god’s green earth do you plan on eating?”

“I’ll cook something.”

The captain looks me up and down with an almost judgmental gaze.

“Hey! What’s with that look”, I ask defensively, “I’ll have you know I was a stay-at-home girl who did things around the house before I ever thought to become a soldier. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, sewing- whatever you think a typical housewife should do, I can do it. So don’t you dare look at me like that. I am cooking this meal, and you will sit your *ss down while I cook it. You will eat without complaints.”

I can see the captain’s eyes had grown slightly wider while I was acting so condescending. I didn’t care if I was being condescending. He’s taken care of me all day; the least I can do is make a meal.

I point to the table, “Have a seat.”

Without question, Levi walked towards the table and sat down. I can’t help but smile just a bit. He’s been ‘in charge’ for far too long. It’s someone else’s turn.

I head towards the door Levi was walking to earlier and open it to reveal a kitchen. I look around at all the various pieces of cooking equipment. I recognize some of it, but we didn’t have a bunch of this stuff back home in Shiganshina. I’m not totally sure where to start.

I walk up to the big counter and start rummaging through the different drawers and utensils. Pots, pans, measuring cups, silverware, lids, jars, mits, dishes- I’m now feeling a bit overwhelmed. 

“So this is what it looks like to have a kitchen that cooks for all these soldiers.”

I slap my cheeks and get myself into gear. “I need to get cooking!”

I decide to make the first dish my mom taught me how to make. It’s a pretty straight forward recipe, and this kitchen has so many different foods. There isn’t much meat in the kitchen so I choose to focus on looking for a variety of vegetables that possess an abundance of protein. To my surprise however, I find a package of ground beef tucked away near the back. There’s very little and it looks like it’s about to go bad, so I decide to use it in my meal.   
I start by lighting the fire for the stove and browning the meat in a pan. Then I begin preparing the vegetables. I grab corn, carrots, an onion, tomatoes, celery, and potatoes before washing them all in the sink. I cut everything that needs cutting and begin cooking the different vegetables. I lower the heat on the stove before heading over to the tiny spice pantry and grab an assortment of spices. Only a few are actually labeled so I begin testing one by one until I find a few that work well together. I take my new spice concoction back to the stove and sprinkle it on the meat. I also season all the vegetables with salt and pepper after combining them all into one big pot of water. I slowly add the meat into the big pot and season it all with my new seasoning. I allow the stew to cook while I look around for some pre-made bread. I find a tray of what appears to be leftover bread from dinner earlier. I take the entire tray and set it on the counter by the stove. I stir the stew for a little while longer as I let everything thoroughly cook. I smell the pot; hopefully it’ll taste as good as it smells.

I turn the stove down to its lowest setting before grabbing a ladle and spooning a bit into my mouth. 

“Hmmm”, I think to myself, “Not bad. Not as good as what mom made, but not bad.”

I pour two bowls of the stew and place them on the large tray of bread. I walk over to the door.

“I hope he likes it”, I plea before opening the door.

Levi turns his head towards me, “Took you long enough.”

I glare at him as I close the door behind me, “You want this food or not?”

“That depends”, he says coldly, “On whether or not it’s any good.”

I walk up to him and aggressively place a bowl down in front of him, “Try me.”

He looks down at the bowl and reaches for the spoon. I set my own bowl down before setting the tray of bread down as well. I sit down across from him and grab my spoon. I pretend to blow on the spoonful while I watch Levi smell the food before briefly blowing it and taking a bite. 

I wait in nervous anticipation.

He looks up at me, “Beef stew..?”

“U-Uhh”, I stutter, “Something like that. Is it bad..?”

He shakes his head slowly and looks down at the bowl in front of him, “It’s good.”

“Really?!” I struggle to contain my glee.

He nods and continues looking at the bowl, “It tastes… familiar.”

I tilt my head. “Familiar..?”

“It tastes like something Isabel made once”, he says under his breath.

“Who?”

Levi catches himself and looks up at me, “Nobody. Shut up and eat your food before I eat it for you.”

I brush off the fact he dodged the question and giggle at his threat. “There’s a whole pot keeping warm back in the kitchen if you want more!”

I get back to my room late. Levi and I ended up finishing the entire pot of stew. I didn’t know the captain ate as much as he did, but he did say ‘If the food is good, I’ll eat it’ so I guess that makes sense. 

I open the door and see Harper reclining on her bed reading a book. She looks up from her book and smiles. “Hey! Are you feeling better?”

I smile back at her and shut the door, “If I’m not feeling good after sleeping almost all day then I don’t know what could make me feel better.”

Harper puts her book down and sits up, “Holy crap! All day? Have you eaten?”

“Yes Harper”, I say smiling, “I cooked and ate with the captain earlier.”

“Oh, you can cook? W-Wait! I don’t mean anything by that, [F/N]. I’m just surprised is all.”

“Don’t worry”, I say as I walk over to my bed and sit down, “The captain was surprised too.”

“So I’m guessing the dinner date went well then”, Harper asks rather bluntly.

“Wh-What..?”

“You know, with the captain.”

My eyes go wide. “What? Dinner date..? Where did you get that idea from?”

Harper looks a little confused, “It’s just, you spend a lot of time with him. And you’re a part of his squad now too.”

“Yes, I am. I’m also a member of the Survey Corps. I’ve been trained to kill titans. I’m a soldier and I am prepared to die fighting; and so is the captain.”

Harper looks down and back up at me, “You’re saying you don’t think of him like that at all? Not even a little?”

I stutter for a moment looking for the right words. “Listen, I haven’t even thought about that topic in years...”

“I understand that. But what if you did now? Maybe love is a good thing for you.”

“The last time I loved someone they died, Harper..! I was heartbroken. It took me years to pick myself back up again... I don’t ever want to go through that again.”

Harper jumps up, climbs onto my bed, and wraps me in a hug. “[F/N]!! I’m sorry! Please don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Harper continues to hug me tight.

I tense up. 

“Just forget I ever mentioned it. Your well-being comes first”, Harper says softly.

I don’t think she understands. When she’s kind and affectionate, that’s what will ultimately hurt me. The kinder she is, the more I grow to love and cherish her. That just makes life harder when I lose her. And I will lose her. In this world we live in, you just can’t secure love - especially as a soldier. And especially when you are leaving for a scouting mission in three short days.


	10. Chapter 8- Ambivalent Attraction

Is This Love?  
~Chapter 8~

Ambivalent Attraction

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

Harper looks down and back up at me, “You’re saying you don’t think of him like that at all? Not even a little?”  
I stutter for a moment looking for the right words. “Listen, I haven’t even thought about that topic in years...”

“I understand that. But what if you did now? Maybe love is a good thing for you.”

“The last time I loved someone they died, Harper..! I was heartbroken. It took me years to pick myself back up again... I don’t ever want to go through that again.”

Harper jumps up, climbs onto my bed, and wraps me in a hug. “[F/N]!! I’m sorry! Please don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Harper continues to hug me tight.

I tense up. 

“Just forget I ever mentioned it. Your well-being comes first”, Harper says softly.

I don’t think she understands. When she’s kind and affectionate, that’s what will ultimately hurt me. The kinder she is, the more I grow to love and cherish her. That just makes life harder when I lose her. And I will lose her. In this world we live in, you just can’t secure love - especially as a soldier. And especially when you are leaving for a scouting mission in three short days.

~ *•* ~ *•* ~ *•* ~

[Y/N]'s POV-

I feel his firm warm hand touch my left cheek as he brushes a piece of hair from my eye before stroking my cheek softly. 

“[F/N]…”

I look up at his dusty blue-grey eyes. “Yes”, I ask quietly.

He and I make eye contact in silence. 

His face softens as he continues stroking my cheek, “I want to be with you.”

My heart skips a beat and my face goes hot. “B-But.. Levi.. We can’t. We have a mission.”

“I don’t care. There will always be other soldiers to fight, but there is only one me and one you. And I don’t want to let you go.”

“L-Levi….”

“[F/N]… Come, live together with me. We’ll start a new life you and I.”

I look down, grab his left hand with both my hands, and look back up into his soft eyes. “I will.”

He gives me a soft smile. My eyes fall from his eyes to his nose to his lips. I trace his smile with my eyes.   
Levi’s left hand breaks free from my grasp and goes up my thigh and rests on my waist. His right hand moves from my cheek to the back side of my head. He pulls me close to him until my face is but an inch from his. I feel his warm breath on my hot face. His eyes shone bright through his dark black hair. I lift my hands and wrap them around his waist.

“[F/N].”

He leans his face towards mine.

“Levi…..”

I lean in for a warm soft kiss.

My eyes burst open. I try to slow down my breathing as I throw the blanket off my hot body.

“What the h*ll was with that dream?!”

“Straighten up, soldiers”, Erwin commands in his strong loud voice.

The new Scouts salute the commander in straight lines a few meters from the stables.

Erwin continues, “You have been through weeks of Scout training as well as your years of cadet training. You probably think you’re ready. However, the mission we will be facing tomorrow is nothing compared to training. A lot of lives will be lost tomorrow; I won’t hide that fact from you. But there is only so much you can do to prepare for the horrors that lay beyond the walls; and I believe you are all capable of surviving this recon mission.”  
Erwin stands up straight and gives us new Scouts a heartfelt salute. “I believe in you, soldiers. Together we give our hearts!!’

“Yes sir!!”

“Hey, [F/N], you okay”, Harper asks as the new Scouts begin to head towards the training ground, “You’ve been in kind of a daze since this morning.”

I look at Harper and fake a small smile, “Y-Yeah Harper, I’m okay. Just woke up feelin’ a bit strange.”

“Oh? Are you sick?”

“Just my head apparently…”, I mumble.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Good”, Harper responds, “Because it seems the captain has been stealing glances since he and the commander got out here.”

“What?!” I start looking around for the captain.

“Okay [F/N]”, Harper says with her hands on her hips, “What’s up with you? Normally you can take a joke. The captain isn’t even out here.”

I slowly look down at the ground in silence.

“Good grief, [F/N], your face is turning pink… Wait-!”

“Shhshhhshh”, I hush as I cover her mouth with both my hands, “Don’t say anymore!”

“Mmmhhffmmmhmm mmmhhm mmffmmmhmm.”

I sigh, “Promise not to say what you were about to say..?”

Harper nods. “Mhmmm.”

I slowly take my hands off Harper’s mouth to reveal a bright wide smile.

“…Harper, I think you may be misunderstanding things…”, I say as I scratch the back of my head and avoid eye contact.

“Am I..? Then enlighten me. I’m dying to know.”

“U-Uhm…”, I stutter, “Well-“

“[F/N]! What’s up?!” A boy wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Ready for the mission tomorrow?”

“Oh Kae… [F/N] was just about to tell me something important….”

I give Harper a quick glare, “Harper..!”

“Oh? It’s fine, Harper”, Kevin says slyly, “[F/N] can just tell us both. We’re all friends here, right? And we’re squadmates too.”

I clench my jaw. There’s no way I’m telling him anything; I don’t even know if I want to tell Harper about it.

“I-I was just going to make a comment about the breakfast this morning”, I lie, “That’s it.”

Harper’s shoulders drop a bit; I’m sure she knew I was lying. I just hope Kevin buys it. 

“Aww really?”, he says seemingly disappointed, “Is that it..?”

I nod hesitantly.

“Hmmm, okay”, Kevin says, “Then I guess we should head out to the training site, huh? We don’t want any of the instructors chewin’ us out.”

Harper nods. “Yeah you’re right.” Harper turns and starts heading to a clearing a good 30-35 meters away where the other new soldiers went.

“…Kevin”, I say matter-of-factly, “I have to go too. Could you get your arm off me?”

“Just a sec, [F/N]. I gotta talk to you about somethin’.”

“Wh-What is it?”

“You smittin’ with anybody?”

“Huh?”

“You heard me. You like anyone?”

“Wh-What’s with this stupid question all of the sudden?”

“Stupid? I don’t think so. Not after all the hints I’ve given you.”

“What?!”

Kevin turns his face towards mine. “You really haven’t noticed? Girl, are you playin’ with me?”

“What the heck are you talking about?” I try to squirm free, “Could you get your arm off me?”

“No way. Not until you answer my question, [F/N]. Are you crushin’ or not?”

“I-I don’t want to tell you anything. Not while you’re acting like this. You’re being stupid. And I barely know you! Ugh, just let go!”

I hear Kevin yelp in pain as his arm loosens its grip on me. I get out of his hold as fast as possible and turn to face Kevin. I see why he yelped in pain now. Levi has a death grip on his forearm.

“C-Captain Levi?! What the h*ll?!”

“Shut up you filthy brat. I don’t want to hear any more of your pitiful whining.”

I stand there dumbfounded, “L-Levi…”

He looks at me rather coldly. “Are you alright, [F/N]?”

“I-I’m fine. It was just a stupid argument anyway.”

“It wasn’t stupid”, Kevin says angrily, “I wanna hear your answ-ow ow ow ow!”

Levi’s grip on Kevin’s arm tightened.

“Levi!”

He looks over at me without releasing his grip even a little bit.

“He needs to be in top form for tomorrow’s recon mission. We need all the available soldiers we can manage. Besides”, I look at Kevin’s eyes and notices tears beginning to form, “I think he’s learned his lesson…”

Levi glares at Kevin before reluctantly releasing his grip on his arm. Kevin massages his hurt forearm and runs toward the clearing where the other soldiers were supposed to gather.

Levi steps towards me. 

“Crap. I wasn’t paying enough attention”, I think to myself, “The last thing I needed today was to be left alone with him.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

I look up and make eye contact with the captain. I look back down quickly and nod my head.

I hear a short sigh. “What was all that about? I don’t need fights amongst you newbies.”

“It was nothing, Levi.”

“It didn’t look that way to me.”

“It was until you showed up.”

Levi grabbed my chin and lifted my head up forcefully. “What was that?”

I clench my jaw. The last time I saw him this close he was making a very different face. Dream Levi and reality Levi are two very different things.

“What’s with that face, soldier? I asked you a question.”

I fail to hide the anger in my eyes and that only leads to the captain tightening his grip. 

“Don’t misunderstand, brat”, Levi says coldly, “We aren’t friends.”

“Oh really”, I ask rather sarcastically, “Then what pray tell are we?”

The captain goes silent but his grip doesn’t loosen and his gaze doesn’t waver.

“Well? Do you have an answer for me, sir?”

Levi slowly releases his firm grip on my chin. “No [F/N]… I don’t.”

He turns towards the training site. “Let’s go. We’re already late.”

I watch the captain start walking towards the clearing. 

I can’t help but think to myself: “Wh-What the h*ll is happening?!”

The training we did lasted the entire morning and most of the afternoon. I did well, but, with the captain still on my mind, I didn’t perform my best.

The soldiers were given an hour break before dinner was served. In that hour I talked to Harper in our room about why she left me alone and about the event that unfolded with Kevin. She told me she continued to walk away because she noticed Levi slowly heading in my direction. She said she figured she could go ahead to the training area without me. She also informed me of Kevin’s many ‘hints’ earlier this month. Apparently he has putting himself near me and trying to start conversations with me since we all joined the Scouts; she said he was even making attempts during our last year as cadets. I just never noticed because I wasn’t really focused on anyone. I had my mind set on one thing. I’m just shocked I genuinely didn’t notice him at all. 

“That’s so crazy”, Harper exclaims as she reclines on her bed, “So the captain really stood up for you then tore you down like that?!”

“Uhhh…”, I say slowly as I sit on my small dresser, “It’s not that he tore me down so to speak… I don’t know. He’s always been cold towards people. I was a bit surprised by how angry he was at Kevin though…”

“Hmmm, well that doesn’t shock me too much. Kevin’s actions kind of surprised me though.”

I look over at Harper. “Levi’s actions didn’t surprise you?”

Harper shakes her head. “No, they didn’t. And it’s because of what you’ve already told me about him.”

It seems Harper has seen I’m a bit confused. 

She sighs, “Never mind. Maybe we shouldn’t try to figure this out until after we all make it back alive from the recon mission tomorrow.”

I watch as Harper slowly hangs her head. I can’t quite figure out what expression she’s making. She doesn’t appear to be sad, but she definitely isn’t happy. Could she be… disappointed?

Before I can ask Harper what’s wrong, I hear the bell in the mess hall going off, indicating it’s time for dinner.

Harper jumps up with a small smile on her face. “Supper time!”

I give her a short smile back as I nod.

Harper and I get our food and head towards a free table. I see Kevin out of the corner of my eye. He’s sitting with a few other guys. I noticed something bulky on his forearm.

“Do you see it too”, Harper asks me in a hushed whisper.

I look closely at Kevin and see it.

“It looks like he’s got a bag of ice on his arm”, Harper whispers, “Is that the arm the captain grabbed?"

I quickly look away from Kevin and continue walking in silence. I can hear Harper following close behind me. She and I sit down at an open table. After a minute, the table begins to fill up with anxious yet lively young Scouts. The mess hall filled with a less than quiet buzz. I do notice however that the table wasn’t quite as lively as it normally was.

“So”, a younger girl says as she makes eye contact with me, “Did you finally turn down Kae, [F/N]? I noticed he isn’t eating over here tonight.”

“Wh-What”, I stutter, “What do you mean by finally…- uh- Mary..?”

“Marie”, the young girl says as she giggles, “But that’s okay. You were never great with names, huh? I said ‘finally’ because it’s obvious he likes you. He always seemed to sit with you for most meals.”

The rest of the table either mumbled, chuckled, or nodded.

“But now he isn’t with us”, Marie continues, “That’s part of why I asked what I asked; the other part is because I want to get my mind off the mission tomorrow.” 

Before I answer, I hear my name being called from across the mess hall. I look for the voice calling my name and see Eld Jinn, a Scout veteran and member of captain Levi’s squad. He sees me and waves me over to him.

I look over at Marie. “I’ll have to save our discussion for some other time”, I say before turning to Harper, “Hey Harper-“

“Don’t worry about your food”, Harper says with a smile, “I’ll save it for you if you don’t make it back before everyone leaves.”

“Thanks”, I say with a small smile.

I hear some faint mumbling as a begin walking towards Eld. 

“Welp, there she goes.”

“What do you expect? She was top of her class.”

“Who was she again?”

“Not sure. I have seen her with the captain a bit.”

“Yeah, me too. Isn’t she apart of his squad now?”

“Wha-?? A rookie? With those elites?”

I didn’t recognize any of the voices as I was walking; not until I was a couple meters away from Eld. I did recognize the last voice.

“She’s all talk. Underneath that rough exterior, she’s as piss scared and soft as a child. She’s cozied up to the captain and look where that’s got her - right up there with him. I’ve been wonderin’ if she’s done some other stuff with him behind closed doors to get where she is.”

I look out of the corner of my eye to see Kevin glaring coldly at me with a smirk on his face. He chuckles, probably proud of all his talk. His glare was different than a glare from Levi. This was cold hard anger; and it was starting to piss me off.

“Don’t mind them.”

I turn to see Eld looking down at me.

“You were handpicked by Erwin”, he continues, “The captain had nothing to do with that decision. So his argument is invalid. And the commander can see real talent versus pure luck. Don’t ever doubt his decisions.”

“Y-Yes sir.”

I follow Eld out a side door and down a short hallway. We pass by a few doors on the left and right before stopping at a door on the right.

Eld grabs the door handle, “This way.”

He turns the handle and opens the door to reveal a small handful of soldiers. I know them all by name: Gunther Schultz, Olou Bozado, Petra Ral, and over in the far left corner was captain Levi Ackerman. 

I walk in before Eld, who was holding the door for me. 

“Hello again, [F/N]”, Petra says with a small smile.

“Petra…”, I say with hesitation, “What is all this..?”

“We have a recon mission tomorrow, idiot.”

I look towards the short guy leaning up against the wall in the corner.

He gives me an icy glare, “We need to make sure you understand what this team will be doing tomorrow. I won’t have a newbie getting my squad killed because they don’t do their job.”

“U-Understood sir!”

The short but detailed explanation of the squad’s tasks for tomorrow’s mission left me just a bit nervous. We were to be close behind the left-wing spotters in the formation. I’m more than a little grateful I’m not one of the spotters. I really don’t think I could handle that level of risk on my first time outside the wall. I don’t even know how I’ll perform tomorrow. I haven’t seen a titan since Shiganshina fell; I don’t even know if I’ll be of any help to soldiers like the captain and his team anyway. I’m still just a rookie.

“Dismissed.”

The captain’s single word rang through the room and the soldiers one-by-one began to leave the room. I started to follow after Petra until I heard my name called from behind me. I turn as the other soldiers pass me on the way out the door. I make eye contact with the captain.

“Stay. We have to talk.”

I gulp as I hear the door shut behind me. “Oh boy…”, I mumble, “What did I do now..?”


End file.
